Mother’s Day for Those with Unloving Mothers

2. We give ourselves permission to grieve.

Many times, we need to feel in order to heal. We need to recognize, name, and experience the grief that came with not having the mother our hearts craved. In many ways, we’re mourning a death—the death of a childhood dream, of parent-child expectations, and of all those moments we’d never experience.

“Grief is a necessary and restorative process that permits a person to bring new life and a renewed sense of hope to childhood hardship and deprivation. Looked at in this way, grief allows us to cleanse ourselves of hurt and loss and continue to grow and expand our sense of ourselves.” She suggests our failure to grieve well “can be more emotionally devastating than the loss itself.”

As we turn to God in the middle of our pain and seek His guidance, He’ll reveal deep wounds we’ve long suppressed. Not to hurt us, but to heal us. I’ve found such freedom in regularly praying Psalm 139:23-24, which states, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (NIV).

Using that passage as a prayer prompt, I might say, “Search me, God. Uncover those hidden hurts, those lies that have taken root deep within me. You know my every thought, including those that hold me in bondage. Remove every offensive, non-life-giving thing within me and lead me toward Your perfect, joy-filled ways.”