8 Steps for Dealing with a Relationally Tense Thanksgiving

Family Tension

The Stress: When a family gathers around a large table, the iconic Norman Rockwell scene doesn’t always materialize. Relationships that are strained can feel even more so when everyone is in the same room.

Parents and grown children often clash over everything from table manners to when they might expect a new grandbaby. Old arguments—political, emotional, or otherwise—can resurface. For many people, Thanksgiving is a tinderbox of family-related stress.

The Turnaround: Make a list before Thanksgiving of ways your family triggers negative feelings. Articulating these patterns will help you recognize them before they spin out of control. Then, make a plan to avoid those irritations.

Pledge to politely disengage from tense conversations—step outside for a breath of fresh air, help out in the kitchen, or play a game with the kids. And make an effort to cultivate gentleness and love.

As relationship educator and therapist Dr. Laura Berman advises, “Whether it’s complimenting your always grouchy aunt on her new sweater or telling your exhausted sister that she is a great mom, your words will go a long way in keeping the day positive, meaningful, and full of happiness.”